Gawker Media’s Nick Denton Should Hire Me

By Shelton Bumgarner

shelton-Profile03Editor’s Note –I have written a post about this before, but if there is anything I like to write about it’s me, Gawker and Gawker and me. And the last post I wrote about this got a modicum of attention, so I feel like rehashing this, only a little bit more serious and less silly. But it’s still silly.

So why should Nick Denton hire little old me? Well, I have passion for his brand. I continue — long, long, long, long after it is apparent that it doesn’t deserve my emotional investment — to have just that: an emotional investment in the brand. I really like the name “Gawker” and I fancy myself a good enough writer that I could run with the big dogs of Gawker Media.

I have a descent amount of experience with publications and how to grow them. I grew a piddily little photocopied zine into an actual magazine over the course of a few months. But, like I said, I’m being silly. Even when I was running ROKon Magazine in Seoul I was a little too old to work for Gawker (as I understand it.) I’m way too old to work for them now as a rookie. Way, way, way, too old.

But I still have passion. A whole lot of passion. I love the Gawker brand for personal reasons and given the opportunity I would do my best to grow the brand. I am well aware that even should this fanciful daydream happen, that I’m just setting myself up for a huge, epic fall, but I’d at least like to be given the opportunity. I’d like the opportunity to fail on my own terms.

Another issue where I live. I live in Richmond, VA. And I don’t have the means to move to NYC anytime soon. But, I must note, Gawker (at least at one point) had two Norse guys writing for them who were there for….what? If Nick Denton gave me a chance of some sort, I could at least be as good as those guys.

And, I must note in passing, that people continually underestimate me. All the time. They think I’m not worth anything and then I prove them wrong in an astonishing manner. It happened repeatedly while I was in Seoul and it would happen if Nick Denton gave me a shot. If you’re all that interested in what I’m talking about, read this –> Somehow.pdf and here –> SheltonBumgarnerRESUME5.

I am not doing much with my life right now, that’s for sure, and that might be difficult to explain to people in New York City….but I swear if Nick Denton gave me a shot, even a minor one, something interesting would happen.

A Silly Little Post About Why Gawker Media’s Nick Denton Should Hire Me

by Shelton Bumgarner

shelton-Profile03I know I will never, ever work for Gawker Media in any capacity. But that doesn’t mean I can’t dream. So, here is a quick run through of some reasons why, all things being equal, Nick Denton Should hire me. I may have done this post in a different form in the past, but whatever. The entire thing is silly and so if I’m both being silly and repeating myself, then there definitely is no harm being done.

1. I have the experience
I have a lot of experience. It may have been with a piss-ant little magazine for expats a long time ago, but I can promise Nick Denton that if he hired me in some capacity that he could not only get me for cheap, but he would get a lot of passion from the get-go.

2. I love the brand.
I love the Gawker Media brand and that, in fact, is why I keep bitching so much about what’s wrong with it. If I didn’t care about the brand so much, I wouldn’t have any reason to be invested in it to begin with.

3. I am good at strategic thinking.
I am really good at strategic thinking and that would become apparent if I was given just a little bit of a chance.

But, like I have said, this is all being very silly. I’m too old, way too weird and not nearly well educated enough to even get my foot in the door, much less actually get, like, a paying j-o-b at Gawker Media. And I don’t live in New York City.

So, I’m just being silly. Very, very silly.

Idle Musings On The Hulk Hogan Verdict

By Shelton Bumgarner

For someone to likes to fancy himself something of a freedom of speech near-absolutist, it is kind of weird that my first reaction to Gawker having to pay $115 for the whole Hulk Hogan imbroglio, was loud “Ha-ha” like something Nelson from the Simpsons might do.

I did that because everything I had read about the trial seemed to indicate that Gawker wasn’t taking the trial seriously. They crack jokes instead, of, like taking this as a serious thing. So, for a moment, I felt like they got what they deserved. Maybe it wouldn’t happened if they hadn’t acted like such jerkoffs.

Then I read the New Magazine piece on what happened and grew significantly more sympathetic to Gawker’s plight. It seems as though this case may have had more to do with racist comments on the part of Hulk Hogan than it did anything else.

Yet, I doubt celebrities will come after publications because of this case because it doesn’t make any sense. The case had some very specific circumstances to do that aren’t easy to replicate. First and foremost, as I just mentioned, it’s unlikely that any other publication would be so silly at such a serious event.

Anyway, yet again, let me state for the record that Gawker is kaput. They should just turn the lights off for good and move on. All the writers should drift over to New York Magazine, Nick Denton should totally divest himself of the enterprise and they should, I don’t know, give me the domain name or something so I can see what I can do with it.

Idle Musings On Trump As A Fascist


By Shelton Bumgarner
shelton-Profile03The difference between what people have said about Obama over the years and what I’m saying about Trump now is that at least my fears are, like, based in reality.

Anyone with any serious grasp of the issues would not believe that Obama was a gay hustler in his youth. Or that he’s a secret Muslim. Or that he’s a Godless socialists. Or that he’s some sort of paradoxical combination of all these things.

I, on the other hand, am suggesting things that are a simple logical extrapolation of what Trump has actually said an done over the years.

So, it does, in fact, seem that Donald Trump is a fascist. Now, if you don’t know what a fascist is or don’t care — look it up. Or look up the fancy word “demagogue.”

What is even more interesting to me is otherwise sane people seem willing to buy the crap that Trump is shoving knowing damn well that he either can’t produce, won’t produce, if he did produce we’d probably all be ruined.

The number of reasons why someone who is center-right should not vote for Trump are so vast and expansive that that, in itself, would take up a few thousand words. But, needless to say, while you may get to mentally masturbate, have a good Rebel yell chuckle at how dem dar libtards sho is runn’ now ’cause of that Trump, sober up for a moment.

I want you to do something for me. I want you to go to the mirror in the bathroom. I want you to stare at yourself for a moment. I want you to say the following words for a few minutes until they sink in.

“Hello, I’m voting for Donald Trump and I’m a fascist.” ,

‘The Pledge’ — Lyrics To An Anti-Trump Pop Song

As you may, or may not, know, in my spare time in the past I’ve written a lot of song lyrics. Since this site is devoted to news — lately about Donald Trump and his fascist ways — I thought I’d try my hand, briefly, with a little anti-Trump ditty. This song would be really slow like A Great Big World’s Say Something. It would be in the key and have the same tempo, at least. Enjoy.

The Pledge
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner

the old ways are in danger
and a new age has nearly begun
but I will fight against the terror
this is my pledge
that with my last gasp of air
I will fight for what is right
on the streets before it hits midnight

the pledge is all I have
the pledge is what I swear upon
the pledge is my gift
the pledge I will hold it tight
with all my might

my pledge is when the forces of evil appear
and they look as though they’re about to triumph
that I will be the last to admit defeat
I will be the last to believe
that hate conquers love even at this late date
I swear a pledge to the end of time
that I won’t give my allegiance to that swine

the pledge is all I have
the pledge is what I swear upon
the pledge is my gift
the pledge I will hold it tight
with all my might

when things are going wrong
and it looks as though they’ll carry me away
to an unknown fate
I promise you that my pledge will be intact

so as darkness falls
and we don’t know what next will befall
make your own pledge to keep
one to hold tight
when you go to sleep

‘So, Daddy, What Did You Do To Stop The Fascist Takeover Of America?’

By Shelton Bumgarner

shelton-Profile03The place where I work has a huge upstairs room that is hidden — or could probably be hidden — if need be. I found myself thinking recently: when Donald Trump becomes president, am I going to have to live up there when they start rounding up the freaky weirdos that the Dear Leader doesn’t like?

As things progress, and the violence at Trump rallies continues and things becoming more and more a replay of 1933, these are things we may, for once, have to seriously consider. It might not happen overnight. It might happen gradually, but the intolerance that Trump has show will set the tone of his era and it would not be that big of a stretch para-military groups will begin to swarm around the nation while the Trump administration looks the other way.

And, given what a freaky weirdo I am — and in some ways a bit too idealistic for my own good — I’m sure I’ll figure out some way to run afoul of those fuckers.

Of course, what’s even scarier than all of this is that Trump, even if he doesn’t become president, may have stirred up something deep inside the American psych that will be difficult to control going forward. He has tapped into something so primal, so hateful, that it isn’t going anywhere. We may have to deal with a pretty powerful far right organization

Some Quibbles About Liberalism Today — From A Liberal

By Shelton Bumgarner

shelton-Profile03I have been a self-avowed liberal for my entire life. I consider myself a center-left moderate who generally doesn’t think government, in itself, is a bad thing. I believe in equal rights for women. I believe we should strive to be as inclusive a nation as possible.

And then there are a few things that really bother me about liberalism.

The chief thing that really bothers me is the whole “why do dudes like hot chicks” line of reasoning. Just in the last few days, I’ve seen headlines to articles that could be summoned up as:

Why do dudes like to stare at hot lesbians?
Why do dudes think it’s weird for hot chicks to do not hot thing?

Both of these things make me want roll my eyes in an epic manner. I mean, duh, guys. Guys like hot chicks. Wow. Why is this so amazing. And it really grates on my nerves to think that we’re supposed to deny basic humanity and not let dudes like hot chicks, but they lesbians or hot chicks not doing hot things.

I understand that it’s all part of modern feminism, blah, blah, blah, but whatever. We can continue to struggles of modern feminism while still accepting some pretty basic aspects of the human condition. I guess what bothers me is that to some people that IS asking to much. They want us to become soulless robots who run around talking about “intersecual feminism” instead of how to get laid.

Does all of this make me a conservative? Good Lord I hope not. I just think we need to be more realistic about what it means to be human. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.